Time is expensive

It feels weird to be back home. Ever since my job started, life just meant very much little to myself since I gave most of it to my job and my preparation for my paper anyway. Which was by the way, a tormenting 6 hours in total, I came out from the exam hall and could see the sun for like an hour.

For those who heard that working plus studying is the deadliest combination, you got it right. It seem perfectly sane to bring your books on a holiday. Sleep beyond 7 hours seem too costly, and it takes 30 minutes of social networking and youtube to make you feel guilty, which is why I youtube and facebook at work?

21 seems a bit premature but I began to look back at my life, realised that I was once crazy about a lot of things, relationship, photography, shopping, yes, and even pc games I was never good at. Nothing seem to stay for too long, even though none of them ever really left. It seems really bad but I am inclined to allow my passion consume myself, it makes me more alive, feels like I am working towards something, feeling less of an underachiever.

Working is a time whereby you lay down all your path verbatim from your imaginariun. For me, I take it with a pinch of salt, I never married the woman I thought I would and said I would, I never did science in Uni, I never got into ANU by 0.25 marks, I did not end up a PR in Australia, and I thought that was what I wanted ever since I was 10 or so, the wild idea nurtured from my mom’s simple question on a trip to Sydney.

I was amused by how things turn out while I was standing on the bus on my way back, I could have waited for 5 minutes until the next bus, so I could sit down on a bus like a normal person, yet I did not, I wanted to go back as early as I could make it. And where was the old guy in me?

I have a lot things I want to pursue now, maybe it is because I don’t like my current job in any way other than a stepping stone, but with enough effort and cold-bloodedness towards myself, I can get both CFA and FRM by end of 2012. I do not know where that takes me, or if there is even any synergy between the two but I got to make something happen. And that become my motto, and that I might have shamelessly quoted from some SC 2 shoutcast.

Some people think I put too much pressure on myself, and they tell me thinking that I do not know about that. I do have family members slowly walking away from the world, healthy or otherwise, one day they all have to leave.

And for myself, lastly, I haven’t done my papers, I haven’t had time to watch Gone with the wind, no time to read “I have no enemies”, "Against the gods” by Peter Bernstein, not even For One More Day, or Purpose Driven Life. Time is a lot more expensive that I thought.